If you’re reading this & you’re waiting for a text from someone you should be staying away from, delete & block that number STAT. We always want the things we can’t have, but there are things that we really, really need to stay away from. Toxic relationships are the relationships that I feel everyone must experience before they meet their “one & only”. They’re the relationships that you feel like you can never come back from. You feel the heaviness in your heart, & you just want to spend every single day crying & listening to your sad face breakup playlist on iTunes. You don’t want to talk to your friends because you’re tired of hearing how your on & off boyfriend will never change. You carry so much hope that you can be that girl to change him. Well, I’m telling you now that you will not be that girl & you shouldn’t be that girl. If you have been putting up with this dude for more than few months & nothing has changed, then you need to kick this dude to the curb.
I have had my share of toxic relationships. I would always tell myself that this guy was gonna magically wake up one day & be my prince charming. But man oh man, was I in for it. I would constantly check my phone to see if he would text me back, & my heart would literally skip a beat whenever he did. But it wasn’t because I was madly in love, I was completely blinded by love & straight up stupid. I’d come home late knowing I had to work super early the next day. I’d ditch my friends to hang out with this chump. I seriously thought that if I could spend as much time as I could with this guy, he would change & realize that we should be together. A few months go by, & I hear him say what every girl wants to hear: I don’t want to see anyone else. I just want to be with you. After hearing that, I was like okay, this is it. We’re together. Well, at least you would think that right? Nope. In fact, after hearing all that BS everything got worse. Texts & phone calls came later & later. We would see each other every other week because he was “busy”. & everything was just so…shady. That’s when I knew something was up. & I was right. Turns out this dude has been seeing someone else for a couple years already.
I was completely devastated. I couldn’t believe that this guy could betray me like that. I thought we were something. I thought that things were going to change. But I was completely wrong, & I almost hated myself for putting up with him for as long as I did. I invested time, money, miles, etc & all I got in return was heartbreak. I don’t regret what I had with him because I always believe that everything happens for a reason. I think God was just trying to wake me up from the nightmare I was in, & make me see that there was someone else out there for me. & there was! Now I’m going three years strong with my boyfriend Matthew, & things really couldn’t be more “perfect”.
So now that I’ve shared a very summarized event in my life, I want to share some tips with you that helped me see the signs of the toxic relationship I was in & how I was able to get out of it & stay out of it for good. First, I want you to know that you are not alone. Second, I want you to know that the only way you will be able to get out of a toxic relationship is if you do it on your own. All the advice in the world can be given to you, but ultimately it is up to you on whether or not you can stay away from him. & lastly, listen to your gut. You will know what I mean once you feel it. Trust me. Below are some things that have helped me & also some of my friends get out of toxic relationships.
If you two communicate only when the sun goes down, it’s bad news. If this guy is truly interested & wants to be with you, he will make an effort to have a daily conversation with you. Even if it gets repetitive at times, it shows genuine interest in how your day’s going or how you’re doing. When you two are communicating, you want to feel like he’s making you a priority & that the convo isn’t just “Hey, what’s up? You should come over later & chill” because we all know what that means & you do not want to be that girl he always goes to for that.
When you two hang out, & he’s always on his phone but is doing his absolute best to make sure you’re not able to see what exactly he’s doing on his phone, then that’s a red flag for sure. In a relationship there needs to be trust, & he shouldn’t be hiding anything from you especially if he’s just texting or on Instagram. I’m not telling you to be all up in his bubble, but if he’s acting shady with his phone he’s more than likely talking to someone he shouldn’t be talking to. & it is your job to speak up right then & there cause if you keep quiet, then the shadiness will continue.
- Body Language:
Read his body language when you two are in public or around friends. Is he reaching out to hold your hand or just letting you tag along at parties so that you can be his DD? I’ve definitely noticed a difference in when a guy wants to be with you or get with you. & at such a young age, it’s more than likely the latter. You can tell when someone is trying to hide something, but don’t let it be you. If he’s willing to go everywhere & anywhere with you, & he also flaunts you then those are good signs! He should be proud to be with you no matter what.
- Future Plans:
If you think you two are dating, and you have no future plans in the next week or so, you might want to see what’s going on. I’m not saying to have a dinner date planned out every single night, but you want to make sure that you both are putting in the effort in trying to see each other. If he has the habit of telling you that he doesn’t know if he can make it or he already has plans that aren’t including you, then something’s up. If you are dating, then you should actually be going on dates.
If one or all of these things listed above applies to you, do yourself a favor & call up homeboy & tell him you’re done. Do not waste any more of your precious time on him. Instead, focus on all things positive. There are so many things you can do out there to keep him off of your mind. Go out with your girlfriends, actually study for that test, go to the gym, buy some books to read, pick up a new hobby, or treat yourself to a shopping spree. Whatever it is, go do it. Cause now that you have realized that who you thought you would end up with is now someone you need to get rid of, you are going to experience some heartbreak. Please do take the time you need to yourself. Cry & listen to sad songs, but just know that pain is temporary & you are now closer to being with who you are supposed to be with.
I hope that this post was helpful, & if you are stuck in a toxic relationship, I wish you strength. It will take a lot to actually be done with the relationship, but I just want to really push & motivate those who are hurting. You can & will get through this. & I promise that when you least expect it, prince charming will come around & sweep you off your feet! Keep faith in love, not in that loser who won’t call you back.
If you would like more advice or would like to share your story with me, please leave me a comment! Or if you would like a more private way of communicating me, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Aloha nui loa,